For many, childhood is a time of wonder and adventure, and is usually a time when it is expected that most needs will be met from a child’s caregiver. However, for some, childhood never feels quite safe or secure -for these people emotional neglect was something that dismantled their early years and affects them as adults. Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is the result of parents lack of response to the emotional needs of children. While it is an invisible form of suffering as opposed to bruises and broken bones, it has lasting repercussions and typically have no idea that their current world is being created from a place of scarcity or neglect. 

What makes Childhood Emotional Neglect invisible? 

There are a couple of specifics that make CEN invisible to the victim- 

1.  It can occur in otherwise loving families that have little to no material needs. Many assume that their caregivers provided for them because they were socioeconomically advantaged or had a caregiver who provided for them financially.

2.  You don’t know as a child that you are experiencing emotional neglect because it is your normal. It may be generationally how your family of origin operated, and that is all you have ever known. These adults often find themselves creating lives they don't quite feel right in, but usually can’t find answers- which can add to their sense of stress and anxiety. In the end, they feel that something must be innately wrong with them and they take the blame, assuming that they are simply flawed and different from other people who seem to have their life together.

If you identify with this feeling, here are five signs that you grew up with childhood emotional neglect.

1. Fear of being dependent on others- Independence is a good quality to have but having a deep-rooted fear about depending on anyone for anything, never asking for help or support is not beneficial and can be damaging in your long term relationships.

2. You don't really know yourself- When you meet new people and have to tell them about yourself, do you find it difficult?  Do you know your strengths and your weaknesses? What you like and don't like? Victims of CEN tend to not know themselves as well as they should

3. You're a people pleaser- you spend a lot of time trying to meet other people's needs and pay little attention to your own. You're hard on yourself but soft with others.

4. You feel empty- This can look and feel different depending on someone’s genetics, upbringing, current environment, or their general nature. Maybe you feel an empty sensation in your gut, throat, or stomach. Maybe you have difficulty with summoning strong emotions due to your feelings of emptiness. This feeling of emptiness comes and goes for some, and for others they may feel this relentlessly. 

5. You have trouble feeling your emotions- When your emotions were ignored as a child, you never learned how to feel them and express them in healthy ways. As an adult do you find it hard to identify the feelings you feel, let alone express them to others? 

If you're reading this and had a realization that you might have suffered childhood emotionally neglect and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch. There's hope and you can begin to repair and heal from the invisible wounds and start establishing the life you were meant to live.