Struggling with Motivation? Exploring Demand Avoidance in Neurodivergent Folks
Demand avoidance is a term that’s starting to get more recognition in conversations about neurodivergence, and for good reason—it’s a real experience for many people. If you’ve ever found yourself completely overwhelmed or resistant to doing something, even if it’s something you actually want to do, you might be familiar with this. For some neurodivergent folks, demand avoidance is an everyday experience that shapes how they navigate the world.
Let’s start with what demand avoidance actually is. It’s not about being lazy, defiant, or unmotivated (despite what others have told you). Demand avoidance is a reaction to feeling overwhelmed or pressured by a task, request, or even an expectation—internal or external. It can show up as procrastination, avoidance, or outright refusing to engage. Sometimes, it’s an emotional response like anxiety or frustration. And the kicker? It can happen even with things that seem small or straightforward to others.
For neurodivergent individuals, this isn’t about choice—it’s about how their brain processes demands. Everyday expectations, like answering emails, making phone calls, or even getting out of bed, can feel like insurmountable hurdles. This isn’t just frustrating; it can also lead to shame or guilt, especially when others don’t understand what’s going on.
Why Does This Happen?
Demand avoidance is often linked to the nervous system. For people with ADHD, autism, or other forms of neurodivergence, the brain might perceive a demand as a threat, kicking their fight, flight, or freeze response into gear. A simple “Can you clean your room?” might feel like, “Can you scale this mountain in under five minutes?” There’s also the executive functioning piece—when you’re already juggling sensory overload, emotional regulation, or decision fatigue, adding one more thing can be too much.
What Does Demand Avoidance Look Like?
Demand avoidance can vary from person to person. Here are some common ways it might show up:
• Procrastination: You know it needs to get done, but the thought of starting feels impossible.
• Task Switching: Suddenly, organizing your bookshelf feels way more appealing than responding to that email.
• Shutdowns or Meltdowns: The pressure builds, and your body decides it’s all too much.
• Distracting Yourself: Scrolling through TikTok or hyper-focusing on a hobby becomes a way to escape the demand.
How to Support Yourself or Someone Else
If you or someone you know struggles with demand avoidance, here are some tips:
1. Break Tasks Down: Instead of focusing on the whole task, start with the tiniest step. “Open the email app” is less overwhelming than “Respond to emails.”
2. Lower the Pressure: Reframe tasks as optional or low-stakes. Sometimes removing the “have to” makes it easier to act.
3. Lean into Flexibility: Allow for rest, breaks, and self-compassion. The world won’t end if things don’t get done right away.
4. Use Supports: Apps, timers, or accountability buddies can help, as long as they’re not adding more pressure.
Final Thoughts
Demand avoidance is a valid and real experience that deserves understanding and empathy. If this resonates with you, know you’re not alone, and you’re not “failing” at life. Sometimes, just naming what’s happening can be the first step toward finding ways to navigate it with more ease.
Got demand avoidance? Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.
